Poison The Well, The Sharp Things, and Why I’m Pro-Cow and Anti-Children

Call me old fashioned, but I’m a man who loves meat, and hates children. I know it’s fashionable nowadays to do crazy things like not eat animal flesh and not hit your kids, but I’ve never been one for trends. To me, there’s nothing better than sinking my teeth into a juicy, cheese-dripping, medium-rare cow patty while watching a child be neglected by his own mother in the booth directly across from me. Goddamn is that heaven. I don’t know if it’s the ketchup spread across the toasted bun, or the sweetness of those salty tears of neglect running down a four-year old’s face, but there’s something terribly delicious about the whole situation: Me getting what I want (dead bovine flesh, flame broiled and delicately placed atop a sesame seed bun with pickles, ketchup, and cheddar cheese, blood triumphantly dripping from my lips with every bite), and the little spoiled shit in the Spongebob shirt getting a taste of the harshness that life has to offer. Welcome to the real world, buddy! Guess what? You can’t always get what you want, no matter how much you cry. Oh, and your parents don’t love you. They just tolerate you and buy you shit to shut you up. Deal with it. Life sucks, and chances are, you’re probably going to die alone. That’s why guys are constantly trying to find a way to suck their own dick:

By the way, if anyone has any tips on how to do the above, please contact me immediately. It’s for research purposes only. Anyway now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, let me tell you about what’s going on this week over at Uncensored Interview. We’ve got new clips a plenty from the likes of The Hymns, Pete Miser, the aforementioned The Sharp Things, and one of our personal faves, Poison The Well, whose hatred of Bill Ward from Black Sabbath might even rival my disdain for adolescents:

Another thing I like about these guys is how in touch with pop culture they are. Not that I can talk, the first time someone mentioned Tila Tequila to me, I thought it was a Mexican venereal disease, like Los Herpes:

Actually, I’d like to go back on a tangent for a second. You know who I hope gets a venereal disease (besides my ex girlfriend – whoops, too late)? Anyone who chastises me for eating meat. Let me chow down on my charred dead animal in peace, please! Sure, you make some good points about why it’s morally wrong to raise, breed, and torture another living being just for slaughter, hippie animal lover, but I make a solid point about why it’s right: meat is fucking delicious. Seriously, have you had a steak lately? It’s like having an orgasm in your mouth, only the idea of spitting never once crosses your mind. It’s like God tilting your head back slightly, and just cumming in your mouth nonstop. And for some reason God’s splooge tastes like A-1. If animals weren’t put on this earth for us to devour them, then why are they so easy to kill? Over the past 1000 years, we’ve developed guns, gunpowder, crossbows, tasers, bear traps, and sight scopes to help us hunt and kill our animal friends. What have tigers or bears developed in response? Louder growling? Running in different directions? Seriously. Just because we’re smarter than animals (and come to think of it, children) doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take advantage of them. Just like you hippies takes advantage of poor, defenseless vegetables and plants. Hell, I bet you’d think twice about eating that carrot if it screamed when you ripped it out of the ground.