Ho ho ho, a very merry Christmas (or as our friends up north in Canada like to call it, Tuesday) to all my readers and faithful UI supporters. And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, then GET WITH IT! Really, I mean have you seen the quality of gifts that are exchanged? Nintendo Wii’s! Starbucks gift cards! Anal Bleaching Cream If that doesn’t make you want to abandon your silly old beliefs and instantly convert to Christianity, then I don’t know what will. But seriously, happy holidays to all. I’ve been feeling rather festive this week, what with all the parties, gift shopping, decorating, cocaine, and baking I’ve been doing, so rather than one of my usual blogs where I rant about something that bothers me, be it vegetarians (plant genocidal maniacs, as I refer to them), vibrating toothbrushes, or children, I’ve decided to make this entry like a Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy test: positive.
I’ve got to admit though, I was kinda bummed when I heard last week that Fidel Castro might be resigning as supreme dictator of Cuba come springtime. Call me crazy, but like a fine cigar, I enjoy a good dictator every now and then. Especially the charismatic ones, like Castro, Hugo Chavez, Mussolini, and of course, George W. Bush. What’s not to love about someone with total, unchecked authoritarian power over millions of poor, helpless, abused citizens? Most people are too dumb to self-rule anyway. They’d probably just squander their country’s money on inane things like abstinence-only education programs, tax breaks for large, greedy corporations, and to fund an illegal war. Another advantage of a dictatorship? Excellent international press. Look at all the countries run by ruthless, resistance demolishing dictators today, and what they’re best known for:
- Cuba – Delicious Cigars
- Venezuela – Nutrient-Rich Oil and Venetian Blinds
- Iran – No Homosexuals
When I think of dictators, one thing comes to mind immediately – fashion trend setters. Where DID you get that stylish hat, Fidel? I must have it. Every single resident of Williamsburg thanks you for your keen eye for fashion. Adolf, nice touch with the red armband over the tan long sleeve blazer. Really ties the outfit together. And kudos on the pink triangles on well. Hugo, you and that red beret go together like cream in a Hostess cupcake. I for one cannot wait to see what you have in store for us in 2008, Mr President.
Speaking of 2008, it’s going to be a big, no huge, no, fuck that, GINORMOUS year for Uncensored Interview. If you thought we got some great bands this year, just wait until you see who’s on deck for next year. Plus, tons of cool surprises, more funny (or offensive, depending on your world view) blogs, sex tips for seniors, free ice cream for the kids, and more. And don’t forget to check us out this week, we’ve got a batch of great new clips from bands like Scissors For Lefty
Our Christmas Gift to Them: A personal heater for the guy on the end of the couch
Hopewell
Our Christmas Gift to Them: A frame for Jay so he can proudly display his autographed “2 Girls 1 Cup” lithograph
We’ve also got new clips from The Ages of Rockets, Blonde Acid Cult, Louis Logic & JJ Brown, and more. So from all of us over at Uncensored Interview, including myself, the mysterious freelancing Shark, have a Merry Christmas or whatever the hell your odd religion celebrates.
Ok. You are funny Shark. Happy Christmas and please lay off the steak in 08.