Folks, I’m not normally one to solicit (I triumphantly kicked my hooker addiction 2 years ago), but this morning I awoke to a huge surprise – my left arm had gone numb after my girlfriend rolled over on it. After smacking it back to life and getting rid of that terrible pin-and-needly feeling (what is that, by the way?) I logged on to my email and received an even BIGGER surprise – Uncensored Interview (that’s us) is a finalist in the SXSW Interactive Music Category at the SXSW Awards, and we’ve also been nominated for the very prestigious People’s Choice Award at the SXSW Web Awards on March 9th! Holy F’in S! I’m so elated I can’t even curse! We’ve been working our asses off (there goes the cursing again) here at the site over the past year to redefine indie music, give it a fresh, unfiltered voice, and connect indie bands with their most hardcore fans via our V-Sponse feature, so it’s gratifying to be recognized for all of our hard work.

Now, this is where YOU come in. As the name implies, the People’s Choice Award is selected solely by The People. That means you guys, whether you’ve supported us from the very beginning, or just caught on to the site, can help turn UncensoredInterview.com into The Award Winning UncensoredInterview.com. See, doesn’t it have a nice ring to it? All you have to do is head on over to The SXSW People’s Choice Award page, also located at http://sxsw.com/peoples_choice/ if the hyperlink doesn’t work for you, enter your email address, check your email for your pass phrase, and use that to vote for Uncensored Interview EVERYDAY until March 3rd, when voting ends. Remember, you can vote only once per 24 hours, but we desperately NEED you to vote every day, because your favorite indie music site will actually BE at South By Southwest (SXSW) this year covering the event, and we’d love nothing more than to pick up our award in person. So remember, rock the vote everyday. Tell your friends, your family, your co-workers, interns, former flings, people you randomly see on the street, even your enemies, to vote for Uncensored Interview at the SXSW People’s Choice Award site.

Today’s clip comes to us from the Dub Trio, whose tireless research has finally yielded what scientists have been unable to do – find a flaw with Guitar Hero.

The Dub Trio – Guitar Hero Blaspheme.

Alright, now it’s time for part 2 of my “Childhood Myths Corrected” series. Enjoy.

MYTH:

Never take candy from strangers.

FACT:

This one is really only true on a case-by-case basis. Let’s say your name is Timmy, and you’re walking home from school alone one day. A big white van pulls up to you and asks you if you’d like some candy. Now, your first instinct, thanks to the work of old mom and pop, is to say no, then run and find a police officer or an older friend. But what if the guy really just has a ton of candy lying around his van and needs to get rid of it? You can usually tell the motives of the mysterious man in the van by the quality of the candy he’s offering. Most child molesters are impatient and don’t pay great attention to detail, which means they will often just grab the cheapest bag of candy being offered at the front counter at Walgreen’s. So if he thrusts a fistful of Bit’O Honeys or candy corn at you, odds are, he see your pasty white dimpled ass as a piping hot apple pie that he wants to dig in to. Conversely, if he’s holding out a bowl filled with Snickers, Hershey’s with Almonds, and 3 Musketeers, he obviously knows his candy, and is probably just a really generous guy with a really bad itch on his inner thigh, and a penchant for snazzy trenchcoats.

Cha-cha-changes! Hey Shark-heads, its the grand puba here with some exciting news. We’re going to be doing things a bit differently here at blog.uncensoredinterview.com. No more long-ass, once a week blog posts by yours truly. No, you fuckers are now gonna get DAILY bits of wisdom from your favorite blogger, The Shark, along with my hand picked “Clip of the Day” featuring a brand new artist or band that we’ve just posted over at UncensoredInterview.com. Today’s clip is from The Rosebuds, and it’s especially personal to me, as earlier this week I discovered that I too have a Mexican doppleganger parading around Tijuana and soaking up all of my fame.

The Rosebuds – Rockstars Poop Too (Link works, video will be imbedded on this page later)

So anyway, I was scattering Borax all over a swing-set the other day when I had an epiphany – what kind of mark will I leave on the world for future generations – my kids, their kids, their kids’ kids (my kids and their kids are going to be fuck machines) and their friends? And so I looked back upon my vast body of work (if my work were an actual physical body it’d be John Basedow, by the way) and noticed a pattern – frequent and relentless calls to violence against children. This is no good, I thought to myself, I mean, how are my kids and their kids supposed to be fuck machines with black eyes and bloody noses? So I’ve decided to swallow my pride and actually do a service to all of the children in the world, and the countless generations of little whiny shits to come, by mythbusting (trademarked, by the way, don’t even think about it, Discovery Channel) some common, er… myths that parents blatantly force upon their kids to “keep them safe.” I know I have a large, dedicated following among the YOA (my acro-nickname for my pals, the Youth Of America), so if you’re reading this right now, and you’re under the age of 12 (15 in Alabama), make sure you get all of the adults out of the room before you scroll down below. Tell them there’s a fire next door, or that you just saw your sister with a big black guy buying rubber ringed balloons at the drug store. They gone yet? Good, because the knowledge you are about to ingest is powerful, uncensored, and unmitigated. Hell, I don’t even know what unmitigated means, but it’s that. And it just might make you more infinitely more powerful than your parents, just like when Megatron found the Allspark in Transformers. I’m serious, this is some heavy shit. Strap yourselves in kids.

MYTH:

Masturbating makes your palms hairy and your penis smaller.

FACT:

Countless scientific studies have yet to establish even a single detriment to giving your milk cannon a firm handshake several hundred times in a row. In fact, scientists have found nothing but positive effects to masturbating frequently, especially to pornography – softer hands, increased sports skills, an improvement in your eyesight and your aim, better luck when gambling, a boost in your social status, a bigger penis, and in a few rare cases, the ability to fly. So with the seemingly infinite benefits to masturbating established, why do your parents want to ruin all your fun? A.Because they don’t love you. B.Or they might really love you, but are just lazy and don’t feel like cleaning protein stains off the dog again.

MYTH:

Life isn’t a popularity contest.

FACT:

Life IS a popularity contest, your parents just want to make sure they’re always ahead of you in the standings. For further clarification on why, see reason A. above.

Come back tomorrow for another awesome Clip of the day, plus another installment of my Childhood Myths Debunked series.

Before I get into the usual music/offending people business, I’d like to say HOW ABOUT THOSE GIANTS?? The Shark’s favorite football team shocked the world last night, throwing a well-deserved and eternally fulfilling beatdown to a bunch of Boston Massholes otherwise known as the Patriots. 18 – 1 baby! Wooo!It was a near perfect night for Big Blue fans such as myself, but there was one thing about this momentous Superbowl that bothered me – The Halftime Show. Tom Petty and the Heartbreaker? Ok, I understand, they’re music legends and all, but let’s face facts here people, football is a brutal, bloodthirsty man’s sport played by juiced up, roid ragin’ athletic freaks of nature with the compassion of a Central American dictator. And compared to the fans, the players are actually TAME. It takes a certain breed of drunken asshole to paint half his body green, half his body blue, and venture out in 15 degree weather to cheer on his team and throw battery-packed snowballs at the opponents. Do you think they really want to hear “Free Fallin” at Halftime? Fuck Tom Petty, I say bring on Ronnie James Dio and Ted Nugent. Dio comes out with a falcon on his arm, then promptly sets it on fire. The Nuge runs in from the 50 yard line with a shotgun in hand and takes out the flaming falcon. An army of knights then appears and battles a dragon while Dio and the Nuge do, well, whatever the hell they feel like. They might not even play music, it’s up to them. But I’ll tell you something, the crowd, whether their team wins or loses, will go home entertained. And probably a bit scared. Remember, it takes a LOT to scare these people. Some of them have been drinking nonstop since last February. Frightening these drunken monsters is an accomplishment right up there with ending apartheid, and cold fusion.Ok, I admit, the NFL might not bite on this halftime show, and although I’m a dreamer, I’m connected with reality, so here’s my Plan B: Screw the big name, boring old has-been bands, and give some Indie bands a chance to rock and show their stuff on the biggest stage of all. I bet a band like Signal The Escape would be able to deliver and give the people what they want (minus flaming dragons, which, let’s face it, with the cost of oil now what it is, is a ridiculous idea). Plus, the guys could use the money for extravagant things like, you know, healthcare:And what about Senryu? They would not only rock, but they’d bring attention to a real problem afflicting our country (and by “our country” I mean the high seas), Scurvy:And as the final piece of my master plan, Pattern Is Movement parachute in and give the fans what they’ve been thirsting for since Superbowl III – funktastic dance moves:All this and more! This week! Only at Uncensored Interview. By the way, let us know what you think of the new design. You’re welcome, The Internet!

Here is the dude from Senryu:

He doesn’t watch pornography.
I asked my roommate about this thing, this none-pornography-watching thing. She called bullshit before he even finished the sentence. You show me a man who doesn’t watch pornography and I’ll show you a man that’s blind.

This one time, there lived a very nice man. He was a simple man. A man for the (simple-minded) people. This man used to hear little voices, for instance, he walked into a natural history museum and the little voice in his head said “Puh-leeeze, evolution, totally out for debate, didn’t you see those bones in a Spielberg movie?”. And then another time, the little voice in his head said, “Oh come on, you’re totally fine to drive after you’ve licked up all the booze from the table, never fear!” This man had a lot of money and couldn’t really do anything very well so his dad looked at him and said, “Son, we need to get you employed because you are being an idle imbecile, oh I know, let me call my friends in Florida and at the Supreme Court, you should be President of the USA, that’ll move you outta my house!” This little man was kind of stoned from a party he had previously attended and couldn’t open his eyes when his dad was speaking to him, so he thought he was dreaming that God was talking to him and telling him that it was his destiny to be the Chief Commander of the Free World. Pattern is Movement know this story well…

So what does this teach us? That in our country, anything is possible if you smoke enough pot that you begin to hallucinate.

So I’ve been checking out some of our interview clips with The Fabulous Entourage.

They seem to be having some sort of (intense) picnic in this clip:

Also seems to me they are learning much more about each other during the interview.

Which brings me to a key question…do you think any bands have actually broken up during an TV/Radio/ Interview because of something that was said/ something they found out?

If anyone can provide me with an example of this, I will buy you a glass of water.