Matt Death thinks his band Love And A .38 is the greatest thing to happen to music since the key-tar. There’s only one problem – they’re still looking for a lead singer. WITH BALLS, I might add. Which really makes me wonder what the final interview process must be like. “Uh, guys, what are the white gloves for?”

Well Matt, today is your lucky day. See, Uncensored Interview is all about bringing indie rock fans, bands, and artists together. Consider us the eHarmony.com of the indie scene, except we don’t check for prior date-rape convictions. And boy, do we have a lead singer with balls for you! May we introduce singer/songwriter/actor/lover/ball bearer extraordinaire Michael Des Barres, aka the guy who wrote the song Obsession, aka the guy who married rock’s most infamous groupie Pamela Des Barres, aka the guy who gives me an erection every time I watch his awesomely horrendous Youtube video resume. (Why it’s not in sync, I’ll never know) You want balls? This guy’s got at least 6 testicles. AT LEAST:

If that wasn’t enough, Michael also played Murdoc on MacGyver. Oh, and he rocks a red cape like no one’s business:

If that isn’t fucking hardcore, then cut my balls off and send me to San Fran

Love And A .38, you’re welcome:

Marié Digby knows what she’s talking about when it comes to the internet. And as theshark has already mentioned, she is one artist in particular who was able to garner a ton of attention by posting videos of herself up on YouTube. She is basically a testament to what can rise to the top in the great big liquid vat that is the internet.

We here at Uncensored Interview feel that we have struck that same level of buoyancy if you will. Be it our distinctive online indie video platform or something less tangible – an indie insight so keen that it can only be hailed as… dare I say it? Clairvoyance? – we have found our proper density. Or is it more like destiny….

We know a good thing when we see one! That’s why we’re mixing it up with 2008 Blogger’s Choice Award nominee 10linksaday. Speaking of keen insights, they are one of the best blogs out there about “stuff” that you need to know about. Sure, you can read sordid tales of other people’s lives and about random other drama, but why not just create your own instead? It’s much more interesting that way. Make your time on the internet efficient, informative, and fun á la 10linksaday and UI. That way, all the neat stuff you learn about can make for an interesting life that is your own and not someone else’s that you read about on the internet. Besides, isn’t it nice when someone does all the hard work for you? Oh, and we do. Trust.

So go ahead and vote for 10linksaday here, and keep an eye out for Uncensored Interview as guest bloggers on an on-going basis. Because what have we learned? Like the oil in your salad dressing, like the foam on your latte, like the Guinness in your black and tan, and like the goo in your can of Spam (which might be a little unsettling at first, but then you realize it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen or will find anywhere else), some internet sites are just plain special.

That quiet kid sitting innocuously in the back of the classroom? She’s probably either going to kill you all one day, or write the next Stairway To Heaven. Luckily for us, Marie Digby was a case of the latter. Which is a good thing, because I think she’d look terrible with ammo strapped across her chest.

If you’re a Youtube fanatic, then you probably recognize Ms. Digby. She’s the cute chick whose awesome acoustic cover of Rihanna’s Umbrella from her living room became a huge viral hit last year. But as my uncle Mortimer and his Asia cover band Formerly Pangaea can attest to, covers can only get you so far. In his case, that was all you can eat wings and the 9:30pm slot at Karl’s Draught House every 3rd Saturday of the month.

Well let me tell you something, Marie ain’t no one trick cover pony. This girl can write a pretty damn good original ditty, hence her new album of original material, Unfold, (available now, by the way) which I’m digging for two reasons:

1. I’m a sucker for cute female singer-songwriters with gorgeous voices.
2. I’m pretty certain she was giving me “the eye” when I interviewed her, and I don’t blame her, I was wearing my best Old Navy button down shirt and Arizona jeans. Who could resist me?

Shark Thought Of The Day

Here’s a tip for you single people out there. The next time you’re at a bar all night and no one seems interested in you, as you’re leaving, get everyone’s attention by pointing toward your crotch and yelling out “Well, if no one else is going to hit this tonight, then I’m just gonna have to do it myself.”

Wes Verhoeve from the hip-hop blog Sit Down Stand Up is at it again, dispensing some invaluable yet controversial SXSW survival tips for the uninitiated:

What’s so controversial about those tips, you may ask? Well, there’s one in particular that I wholeheartedly disagree with – Don’t try the street sausage. Let me tell you something, thanks to political correctness, terrorism, sensationalized hypochondria, and “laws,” there are few simple pleasures left in life – Witnessing a glorious sunset on the beach, that first snowfall of winter, flipping off a foreigner in a pick-up truck, beef jerky, getting a handjob in a White Castle restroom, and of course, enjoying some delicious street meat of questionable origin.

Street meat, to me, is like the sun: It’s always been around, it’s available every day, you have no idea how it was made, or what’s inside of it, but you don’t question it, you just enjoy it for its warmth and nourishment. I guess the only difference is that street meat costs money. Oh, and it sometimes gives you excruciating diarrhea. But other than that, yeah, it’s basically the sun’s half brother. You don’t ever hear people telling you not to enjoy the sun, do you? So why hate on its step-sibling? It just doesn’t make sense.

Look, I’m a pretty healthy guy, as the image of a ripped Adonis in your head will attest to. I work out, I run marathons, and I eat right. But I’ll be damned if once every 2 weeks or so I don’t find myself enjoying a $3 street sausage plopped out of some mysterious liquid that oddly resembles afterbirth. The wealth of bacteria keeps my organs in check. It’s like a spin class for the INSIDE of my body. Can’t let your immune system slip, you know. That’s why kids get sick so often nowadays, because we feed them only organic, hormone-free, no trans-fat bullshit. Their immune systems have been coddled so much that when a foreign agent enters the body, it’s like Richard Simmons trying to stop an M1 Abrams tank. That’s why you have to feed your kids shit like corndogs and sausage from a cart every once in a while, to train their bodies so they can fight off strong and ever-evolving bacteria and viruses. Do you think Rocky knocked out super-Russian Ivan Drago by just sitting around his house all day so he didn’t get hurt? Fuck no, he went to Siberia and got ripped in one of the greatest training montages of all time. I’m pretty certain he also did a ton of steroids, which I’m not advocating, but I’m also not saying to not give your kids.

Anyway, the point of my long ramble is, I ate the street sausage in Austin during SXSW, it was delicious, and didn’t wreck havoc on my bowels, so if you ask me, it’s perfectly safe to eat. Also, give your kids steroids so they win at sports and won’t be such disappointments in your eyes.

If you’ve ever wondered how a super mega-hit band like U2 would fare trying to break into music today as rookies, let Isaac from Hanson fill you in on why Bono would probably be working at Starbucks in a few months.

That’s one of the caveats of instantaneous, worldwide access – with so many bands popping up thanks to the internet, you’ve got exactly 11 seconds to get noticed and score that huge hit, or the record companies put you out with yesterday’s trash. That’s why what I’m about to say may seem radical, but it’s necessary –

Let’s destroy the internet

I mean fucking blow that shit to smithereens. I’m not kidding. First of all, the most popular thing on it is porn, so it can’t be all that important. Secondly, it’s more addicting than a cigarette filled with heroin that comes with a free coffee. All people do nowadays is sit on their ever-increasingly fat asses in front of a computer and waste away, playing games, reading celeb gossip, trying to find out who from their high school gradating class is now gay, etc… Remember The Matrix? That movie where Keanu Reeves discovers that life is actually a computer simulation and every single person is linked in through the internet? Yeah, that was a fucking good movie. But then The Wachowski Brothers made two shitty sequels, and I blame the internet for that. They probably went online after the first movie came out and read some message board ideas for sequels, and thought “maybe we should totally ruin this great movie.” Also, shortly after The Matrix came out, Larry Wachowski had a sex change and became a woman, and I’m fairly certain that had something to do with the internet. Fucking internet.

So in summary, The internet ruins life, the 2 Matrix sequels sucked balls, people love porn, some dude’s now a chick and I’m wondering if he has a dick in a jar on his nightstand, U2 would be baristas in an alternate universe, and coffee sounds pretty fucking good to me right now at 8am.

I’m fairly certain that Montana may have scared Sons and Daughters into never visiting America again:

It’s bad enough when you hear rumors of how dangerous a place is. But when the state itself goes out of its way to plaster signs touting the exorbitant amount of women that are currently missing, you should probably get the fuck out of Montana, stat. Ahhh, Montana – home sweet home to white supremacist skinheads, anti-government anarchists, and of course, our old friend Ted “Unabomber” Kaczynski. It’s nice to know that the U.S. will never run out of crazy while Montana is on watch. Seriously, I don’t even think we ever asked Montana to be a state. It just showed up to the meeting holding a shotgun, a bucket of batteries covered in Kerosene and a tattered Teddy Ruxpin doll, and we kinda had no choice.

Reading my braggadocios and often outrageously boastful blog posts, you might get the sense that I, The Shark, belay a cartoonishly exaggerated sense of confidence and pride in Uncensored Interview. And with minimal research and some clever citation, one could build quite a convincing argument that I do glorify our website a little too heavily.

But I’d shoot down that argument faster than an Iranian plane over restricted airspace with this: Uncensored Interview has just received not one, but TWO Webby Honoree Selections in the Online Film & Video – Reality category. Here’s a quick explanation in case you aren’t familiar with Webby Honorees. The first is for Agnostic Front – Horny Horse Ink (copy proudly written by The Shark), which, by the way, marks the first time ever in history that a man was honored for talking about his unicorn tattoo. Unicorns around the world are no doubt going crazy right now:

We were also honored for The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players and their, um, shall we say unique (although everything the Trachtenburg’s do is pretty much unique) take on homeschooling:

I hope you realize that you just watched two award winning clips for free courtesy of The Shark. The Oscars don’t do that shit, do they? You don’t get your gratis copy of There Will Be Blood in the mail the day after Daniel Day Lewis wins Best Actor.

So hooray for Uncensored Interview, we’re barely a year old and we’re already being noticed by the big boys! We feel like Baby Jessica right now! And the scary thing is, we’re only getting bigger and better. We’ve already managed to wrangle huge, nationally known indie bands and artists the likes of Hanson, The Donnas, The Whigs, Kaki King, and The Kills, and we’re using our established indie rock cred, not to mention blackmail and coercion, to nail down even more amazing indie bands in the weeks to come. You hear that, Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails? Uncensored Interview is coming for you!

Speaking of awesome indie bands, we caught up Sons and Daughters last month at SXSW. Who knew these 4 seemingly nice Scottish kids would be so anxious to pick a fight?

The funny thing is, we were actually scheduled to interview The Wombats later in the day, however they canceled at the last minute, saving us from possibly having to hire extra security in case Sons and Daughters decided to come back and carry out their threat.

This begs the question, which band or artist would you love to throw a beating to? For me, three come to mind right away:

• Daughtry – Come on, need I even explain?
• Good Charlotte – It would be like kicking someone you hate’s ass twice in a row
• Mariah Carey – She just looks like she could take a punch