Tub Ring is right, going green might be the hip (and probably right) thing to do right now, but I understand how hard it can be for indie kids to radically shift their lifestyle to comply with living green. That’s why I’m pitching to my bosses later today The Uncensored Interview Green Indie Living Catalog. It’s time we transformed ourselves from a simple indie rock website to the hipster version of a Land’s End catalog. This is a fucking goldmine waiting to be pilfered, I’m telling you. Check out some of the products I’ve already developed that are certain to be best sellers among the indie rock crowd:
Biodegradeable Tight Jeans
– Don’t you just hate it when you’re driving through Williamsburg and all you can see for miles are landfills of unbelievably uncomfortable jeans almost touching the clouds? You won’t have to deal with those eyesores anymore with these earth friendly hamstring huggers.
Organic Pabst Blue Ribbon
– Worried about what’s actually in that can of $2.00 beer you’re imbibing? Well, given that it’s $2.00 at a bar, probably a bunch of shit. In fact, it might very well be cloned beer. Scary, I know. So why take chances when, for $1.50 more, you can enjoy a cold, crisp, certified Organic PBR?
Vegan Vegan
– Indie kids are just now starting to realize that there are TWO types of living things on this planet – animals and plants (don’t give me that “viruses are also living bullshit, they’re not), and who are we to value one type of life over another? That’s why I’m introducing Vegan Vegan, the first ever vegan vegan food. No plants or animals (or viruses, ok you’re happy?) were injured or killed to bring you this delicious mix of… dirt. And crunchy rocks. And maybe some worms feces, I don’t know. But what I do know is that when you dig into this delectable bag of top notch soil, you’ll feel a certain moral superiority over even the staunchest Vegans, knowing that no form of life, neither plant nor animal, was disturbed for your daily nourishment. Bonus – try adding water for a delicious mud-pie-like dessert, minus the pie.
TOPICS: betweenthebars