Just a quick update (don’t want to draw much attention away from our Joost Guitar Hero Rock-Off Challenge), but your favorite blogger, pal, and compatriot The Shark is featured today on 10linksaday, letting you in on the secrets of how a freelancer without health insurance manages to live such a refined, hearty life in expensive NYC. It goes without saying that it’s probably the greatest post ever on 10linksaday, so check it out and let me know what you think. Or don’t, because I already know you love it. You’re so predictable.

I’m really glad that Val Emmich decided to go the legal route and iTunes The Wheels on The Bus Go Round and Round, because the only thing more humiliating than being sued for copyright infringement is being sued for copyright infringement by Barney.

I know that if I were the record label, and I was suing someone for downloading a Barney tune, I’d definitely send someone to court in a full Barney costume, just for effect. Can you just imagine how creepy that would be? You’re the defendant, and you’re sitting directly across from this 8 foot tall bright purple noseless dinosaur, with those beady little lifeless eyes and agonizingly unapologetic shit-eating grin forever etched on his face. He’d take the stand and answer only in dance, which everyone knows is the best way to swing a jury. Hell, how do you think O.J. got off?

To get serious for a second, though, yours truly The Shark is actually very sad over the death yesterday of George Carlin, one of the most influential and greatest stand-up comics and social commentators of all time. George was a huge, and I mean HUGE influence on my comedy and writing, inspiring my cynicism and absurdist social reflections (where do you think the Shark Thought of the Days came from?).

The day before he passed, my brother and I were going back and forth at the dinner table, reciting old Carlin bits about driving, religion, and gun control, partly to get a good laugh out of my dad, and partly to also piss off my church going mom (“There’s more evidence for the existence of space aliens than there is for a God. When someone sees a UFO, they’re labeled a nutjob, but when someone sees Jesus in a piece of French Toast, it’s a miracle!”). The next day I awoke to a text from my brother delivering the bad news. George Carlin was probably one of the greatest social commentators of our time, and one of the smartest comedians to ever grace a stage. He helped me realize why I should hate 99% of the human race, and for that, I will miss him dearly.

There was an editorial in the completely unbiased NY Post the other day by Maggie Gallagher that attempted to, believe it or not, scare people into thinking that gay marriage meant the possible dissolution of the Church and adoption agencies across the United States. Being that it ran in a Rupert Murdoch-owned newspaper, and that the author herself has not only written several books about protecting the sanctity of marriage, but is also president of The National Organization For Marriage, which produces cute little anti-gay tv spots like this, you can imagine that the article was as fair, balanced, and accurately cited as possible. I mean, she does base most, if not all, of her opening argument on the fact that one gay man casually mentioned that he and his partner like to engage in an occasional threesome. So this of course means that ALL gay men love threesomes, hence, all gay men are perverts with swinger tendencies, hence they will raise their kids to be sex-crazed, sodomy-loving little anti-Christs, hence we need to do something NOW. Personally speaking, and remember, I have a BA in Communications, I see NO FAULT whatsoever in that line of logic.

However, there are SOME people, people we might call “level-headed” or “progressive” or even “not complete backwards-ass fucktards” (I know, I shudder at all of those terms as well) who think gays have just as much right to marry and love one another as straight people in the United States do. Like The Matches, for example, who being young and not oil barons or CEOs of major corporations or anything would of course be for such a damn nation-eroding liberal cause:

I blame their warped point of view on the damn line in that friggin’ troublesome Constitution of ours that states that “All men are created equal.”

To be serious for a second though, I do think it’s high time we started limiting rights here in America. Straight Rights. Because let’s face it, things are getting a little out of control here, and there’s way too many shitheads running around for the nation’s own good. So what am I suggesting? Limiting reproductive rights. You know how you need to get a dog license before you purchase a dog? I’m calling for baby licenses. You need to apply for and receive a baby license before you can reproduce. And it’s not as simple as filling out a form and sending a check (to my address) either, you need to pass several competency exams, and then sign a waiver acknowledging that you are hereby responsible for the actions of your little shithead until the day he turns 18.

And while we’re at it, let’s put limits on straight marriage too. You can only get married 3 times, then you’re shit out of luck and have to spend the rest of your life alone. Why should straight people get 7 or 8 strikes when we’re not even letting gays in the on-deck circle? I bet you’ll see the divorce rate PLUMMET if we told people they might actually have to use sound judgment before deciding to get married. Screw Maggie and her National Institute For Marriage, I’m starting the National Institute Against Marriage!

I was driven into a frenzy the other day by The Shark’s flippant dismissal of Michael McDonald.  That won’t fly with me.  Since when are Satan and Communism not awesome and totally rock ‘n’ roll?!  The godfather of blue eyed soul is not to be trifled with.  You could call him a musical consultant to all the awesome smooth music of yesteryear.  Who else contributed to so many of the greatest hits of bands he was never even a member of?  Steely Dan, Kenny Loggins, The Doobie Brothers, Toto, AND Trey Parker of South Park.  Not to mention an astounding solo career.  Yes sir, Michael McDonald involved himself in just about every awesome but lowkey hit song of the 1980s.  I bet The Shark’s mom has had some good times to Michael McDonald.

Even more excitingly Michael McDonald has inspired perhaps the best television show of all time.  Oh, not on real tv.  On Channel 101, a film festival of independently produced short film series.  It’s been over for a while but you can see (What a Fool Believes) are the real stories behind all the smooth songs of the 80s.  It’s called Yacht Rock, and if you’re smooth enough, you can watch it here.  Just watch out for Hall & Oates–they’re the bad seeds in the series.

It also inspired a Yacht Rock style cover contest here.  My favorite is the Nirvana “Come as You Are” cover.  Check it out, and you’ll never hear a Peter Cetera song the same way.

Summer in New York City – it’s a time when there is no shortage of humid, gritty heat, bodies overflowing the parks, streets, and subways, and of course, spectacular, free music events for the hot, sweaty masses. You’d better believe that Uncensored Interview is going to be kicking off their summer right, and what better way than with a music festival? Come join us for this year’s After The Jump Fest 2008 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Don’t know what it’s about? Well, we could tell you, but we thought we’d leave it up to one of UI’s favorite music experts – Jen Kellas from The Music Slut to break it down.

As if you need more convincing right?

Did you catch that part about it being FREE?!!?!? Now you know that New Yorkers don’t like to stand in line for anything. Oh, but you’d better believe that they will do it for free music (or free anything for that matter – look at the lines that wrap around the block at Ben & Jerry’s on free scoop day).

At this point, I’d like to make the efficiency argument here. People, it is WORK trying to go out and catch all your favorite bands and to work the free concert/music festival hustle. It’ll take you from the across all five boroughs, several bridges and tunnels, and perhaps even force a trip to….*gasp!* dare I say it?!?!? New Jersey. The East Coast is all about getting to where you’re going and making the most of your time there. My friends and I won’t even let a whole song play out in karaoke if the musical interludes take too long in the name of getting our money’s worth. Take it from someone who even manages her fun time. ATJ – do it!

Get excited damnit! ‘Cause look who’s going to be there: Senyru , Pattern Is Movement , papercranes . And if past precedent is any indicator of awesomeness, then these former participants should speak volumes: Neimo , Poingly , The Cassettes Won’t Listen , Alberta Cross , Spectrum , Two Man Gentlemen Band .

See ya there!

Call me an irrational optimist, but I’m of the opinion that most evil things start out with good intentions – The Soviet Union, Major Labels, The Dharma Initiative, McDonald’s McGriddle Sandwich, Michael McDonald’s Music Career, even MTV. Now I’m of course exaggerating a little here – I don’t know for sure the true intentions of The Dharma Initiative, but I hope to find out sometime over the next 2 seasons.

Everything else, though, is evil as hell. The Soviet Union gave us Communism on a grand scale, and with it, of course McCarthyism, the Cold War, and Yakov Smirnoff (Danger – Explosive Laughter if you click the link). Major Labels show no mercy in suing the pants off of little kids, students, and even grandmas who download a fucking Coldplay song. The McGriddle, I’m convinced, was forged by The Devil, in conjunction with the Soviet Union, to insidiously take us all down from the inside-out. Michael McDonald is the musical version of the McGriddle, also developed by the Soviets and Satan. And then there’s MTV, our proverbial childhood buddy through the thick and thin, who suddenly grew up and fucked our fiancee the night before the wedding. Maybe I’m being too mean, especially since I used to work for the evil empire, so I’ll let Ryan Shaw and Bitter:Sweet relate the betrayal I’m feeling into more normal terms:

Another sign that our nation is now the laughingstock of the world. The worst part is, because there’s no way any major label would touch this with a 50 foot pole, these bands are technically “indie.” Harry Potter. Indie. Jesus Christ, I’m now certain the apocolypse is fast upon us.