Dirty Talk

Wow, I love hearing a hot chick talk about things all wet and dirty. My Brightest Diamond gets so hot and bothered talking trashy.

Hah! I totally fooled you into learning about something important by making you think that there was an attractive woman talking about sex. See how I did that? I took what she literally said and used it to create a double entendre that was sexual in nature. Why did I do that? Well, my outer comedian has a battle with my inner sincerity. I always feel like there’s a siren going on above my head screaming “BUMMER ALERT” whenever I feel compelled to actually talk about the truth of the environment.

I don’t want to give up the convenience of plastic bags and shampoo bottles and take out containers and pepperoni sticks and halogen light bulbs and water bottles. I want to get brand new cell phones once a year and Nintendo Wii and plasma TVs. I always assumed that if someone was making this stuff then someone was getting rid of this stuff in a responsible way, but nobody ever told me that plastic doesn’t disappear. I’m completely pissed. I grew up thinking that I could just have whatever I wanted and it didn’t matter and I could have as much of it as I wanted and it would all be taken care of. You know what? It isn’t being taken care of. It’s like when I realized that creme-filled cakes, liquid cheese, potato chips and sodas filled with high-fructose corn syrup aren’t good nutrients for the human body. You mean someone makes this conveniently packaged, tasty stuff and I’m allowed to eat it but ultimately it’s going to give me diarrhea, mood swings, cavities, learning deficiencies, ADD, obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and impotence? At least they put warnings on cigarettes so I know what I’m getting myself into.

I feel like I’ve become addicted to plastic. It’s everywhere around me and impossible to avoid and now the ocean is literally filled with tons of plastic that is going nowhere and I feel powerless. Bummer. Nothin’ funny or sexy about that.