However, Obama’s victory was not the only thing that gave me hope and pride in America.

The non-stop news coverage meant that each network had a lot of time to kill between polls closing and results coming in, which meant they had to fill that time with inane analysis, shots of Chicago and Phoenix and tons of high-tech toys, the latter providing for some of the most entertaining moments of the night.

CNN took the technology lead on TV. I was impressed with the 3D images of the Capitol building and the giant vote tabulator which seemed to act like a giant iPod. But the moment of the night was when they brought in Will.I.Am VIA HOLOGRAM!

Yes, that’s right, all that technology we saw in Star Wars is finally coming to fruition. They probably could have interviewed him on a split screen or whatever else they used for other commentators that night, but, no, for some reason a hologram was a way to go. Though Will.I.Am and Anderson Cooper both laughed at the technology, it’s clear that this is a new step forward for America and the news reporting networks. A new day IS dawning in America: a day of holograms!

Seemingly unrelated, another very popular and anger fueled topic is politics.  Wow, Jenny, you say, what does that have to do with awesome videos?  Well a lot of the bands on Uncensored Interview talk about how George Bush will be seen in history.  I don’t know how he’ll be seen, but I can pretty much guarantee he won’t have an AWESOME ZOMBIE HISTORY METAL VIDEO with a patriotic tribute to America’s “family values” (sex, boobs, twinkies, popsicles, Coke, and jeans).  What historical figure has such an awesome video?  GORBY BABY!

I think I can definitely say ejaculating Twinkies are the best video ending ever. And they say we won the Cold War. If that’s true, why are there no Reagan zombie music videos?

But enough with the Canada jokes.  In honor of new blogger theperrytrain, I thought I’d confess.

Most of us Americans deep down do want to be Canadian.  Well, no.  We want Canadian stuff, while still being the cocksure rulers of the planet.  It’s like when you go to a clean freak’s house, and you’d love for your house to be that clean, but really, you’re never going to put in the time or effort.  You still want to go to shows and get trashed and come home to your dirty hovel.  Sure, I’d like safer, cleaner streets, but I also like guns and littering.  Sure, I’d love better health care, but higher taxes make Jenny angry!  Sure, I’d like Pamela Anderson, but–oh wait we got that one.  And you can keep Celine Dion, Canada.  We already have Michael Bolton.

But really Canada, you have a lot going on.  And we kid you, because we love.  And because you’re an amazingly dorky butt of a joke.  But mostly, love.  Even rockstars like Dead Girls Ruin Everything agree though, we’d all move to Canada:

Freebird here thinks that if you’re gonna love America, you gotta love all of it.  And that means not generalizing about the 95% of the country between New York City and Los Angeles.  Because in addition to waxing rhapsodic about the Chevy Silverado, Dead Confederate also has something to say about how generalizing about parts of the country (the South) you know nothing about is, well, by definition, ignorant:

So love America all you want this holiday, but love it purple, not just red or blue. Now, let’s go to the Monster Truck Show at Madison Square Garden!

Look, I understand that an artist’s gotta make some cheddar (I heard a rapper use this term for money once), but in my opinion, it was Napster, Kazaa, Limewire, and other illegal downloading software that helped indie music explode in the first place. People now had access to music flying under the mainstream that their local record store might not carry because it wasn’t on one of the big 5 (now 3) labels. Fans were exposed to new, independent bands, who now had a medium as powerful as any of the majors to get their music out there. And thus, iTunes was birthed, and with it, the indie music revolution. Also, I’m pretty sure that Lars Ulrich had to sell off one of his 5 Lamborghinis. The poor son of a bitch.

Now I know that The Most Serene Republic have infinitely more credibility and right to speak on the issue, being that
a.I’m not an indie musician
bI’m sitting in my underwear listening to illegally downloaded music as I type this…
…so maybe they have a point, maybe I’m just looking at this through my prism of “I Love Free Shit.”

Call me crazy, but I think that illegal downloading is right up there with Violence and The Chevy Silverado as tenets, cornerstones, if you will, of a proud modern American society. We’re the go-getters of the world, we want something, we get off our asses and make it happen (except for universal healthcare). Cheap clothing? Boom! Sweatshop in Malaysia! Something to go with jelly on bread? Boom! Peanut butter! Freedom? How about a little thing called the Revolutionary War? A new home-run record? Boom! Steroids. Free music at the touch of a button? Some 19 year old college student invents Napster, a program that lets you sit on your ass in your skivvies and absorb all of the free tunes you’d ever want. It’s so patently American that it brings red, white and blue bald eagle-shaped tears to my eyes.

I’m not advocating stealing music, especially from indie artists who can barely afford the gas to tour this summer, all I’m saying is, illegal downloading isn’t something that we as Americans should be ashamed of – it’s led to a revolution in the music industry that will forever change how music is made and distributed.

P.S. You’re welcome, The World.