The can of Pabst Blue Ribbon IS half FULL! You attract more slutty groupies with PBR than with vinegar! If at first you don’t succeed, have another Pabst! If it simultaneously fits on a fridge magnet AND makes your life better then bring it on! Nuggets of wisdom passed from person to person have helped the human race move from sloppy amoebas to the guitar-slinging heathens we are today.

Welcome to the new weekly Uncensored Interview feature! In 2009 “Sound Advice” will exhume hope from the hovels of indie culture. Self promotion, positivity and optimism don’t exactly epitomize the indie rock attitude, but great ideas can not be suppressed. Even getting high, being ironic and growing a finely manicured mustache can be a beacon of light in the murky fog of life. To illustrate, let’s kick this whole thing off with a look back at some of the best nuggets of 2008.

5. Hello Tokyo reminded us to have compassion for those we don’t understand, and part of that compassion is by offering a bong hit.

4. The Architects exemplify the all important idea of “Know Thyself.”

(DON’T HATE! KEEP READING)

Could the Fourth of July weekend go by without your blogger Freebird commenting?  That would be unamerican!  The Shark mentioned that the Chevy Silverado made him, like Dead Confederate, patriotic.  I have to call bullshit on a Brooklyn boy knowing about pickup trucks.  And monster truck rallies are popular in all of the midwest?  I don’t know that they are that well attended in St. Paul, MN or Chicago, but they have them pretty frequently here in NYC.

Freebird here thinks that if you’re gonna love America, you gotta love all of it.  And that means not generalizing about the 95% of the country between New York City and Los Angeles.  Because in addition to waxing rhapsodic about the Chevy Silverado, Dead Confederate also has something to say about how generalizing about parts of the country (the South) you know nothing about is, well, by definition, ignorant:

So love America all you want this holiday, but love it purple, not just red or blue. Now, let’s go to the Monster Truck Show at Madison Square Garden!

Today is Canada Day, did you know that? Better yet, do you care? I could give two shits, because I don’t celebrate my hat’s birthday, and that’s all that Canada really is, America’s Hat. But I’m not here to bash Canada, or to incite our newest blogger from up North, The Perry Train. I’m here to talk about America, that grand old nation of freedom and capitalism which, depending on where you are, is either your proud home country, sends tons of aid to your country, or is currently invading your country. Whatever the case, I’m sure your opinion of America is the same as mine – IT JUST CAN’T DO NO WRONG.

And I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but this Friday this little nation of ours turns 232, and damn does it look good for its age. I’ll be honest, there aren’t many 232 year olds that I’d like to lay down on a bed of fresh cut rose petals and make sweet love to, but America, you’re making it hard for me to wear pants right now.

Ahem, sorry, I needed a second to compose myself there. Got a little hot in here, didn’t it? Anyway, in honor of the 4th of July, which, believe it or not, is only celebrated in certain parts of the Western Hemisphere (which I suspect is because of a lack of presents. You don’t see Spain refraining from Christmas, do you?), this entire week I’m going to feature The Shark’s Things That Make Me Feel Patriotic. These are either products of sheer American ingenuity, patently American institutions, or things that we blatantly stole from other countries fare and square, that make me proud to live here. To help kick things off, here’s Athens, Georgia’s own Dead Confederate talking about how their band came to be thanks to the greatest American-made vehicle ever, The Chevy Silverado pick-up truck.

Ah yes, the Chevy Silverado, the champagne of pick-up trucks. Riding in the read flatbed with your brother while your dad drunkenly navigates the way home from the Monster Truck Rally is a rite of passage in the South and Midwest. It’s as American as Apple Pie, if that apple pie had an 8-cylinder engine, rear wheel drive, and enough rear capacity to fit a family of 8 day-laborers. And let’s face it, you don’t see many apple pies of that caliber nowadays, so by that logic, the Silverado is even MORE American than apple pie. It’s like saluting the flag with a bald eagle on your arm while being felated by Lady Liberty.

Here’s a little known fact – did you know that God himself designed the Silverado? He did it on the 8th day, but lazy Europeans didn’t want an extra day of work during the week (god knows they already work 4 whole days) so when they translated the Bible, they cut it to 7 days and completely omitted the 8th. That, and they were worried about Chevy getting free promotion.

Join me tomorrow when I cover Violence, another great American-made institution.

Summer in New York City – it’s a time when there is no shortage of humid, gritty heat, bodies overflowing the parks, streets, and subways, and of course, spectacular, free music events for the hot, sweaty masses. You’d better believe that Uncensored Interview is going to be kicking off their summer right, and what better way than with a music festival? Come join us for this year’s After The Jump Fest 2008 in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Don’t know what it’s about? Well, we could tell you, but we thought we’d leave it up to one of UI’s favorite music experts – Jen Kellas from The Music Slut to break it down.

As if you need more convincing right?

Did you catch that part about it being FREE?!!?!? Now you know that New Yorkers don’t like to stand in line for anything. Oh, but you’d better believe that they will do it for free music (or free anything for that matter – look at the lines that wrap around the block at Ben & Jerry’s on free scoop day).

At this point, I’d like to make the efficiency argument here. People, it is WORK trying to go out and catch all your favorite bands and to work the free concert/music festival hustle. It’ll take you from the across all five boroughs, several bridges and tunnels, and perhaps even force a trip to….*gasp!* dare I say it?!?!? New Jersey. The East Coast is all about getting to where you’re going and making the most of your time there. My friends and I won’t even let a whole song play out in karaoke if the musical interludes take too long in the name of getting our money’s worth. Take it from someone who even manages her fun time. ATJ – do it!

Get excited damnit! ‘Cause look who’s going to be there: Senyru , Pattern Is Movement , papercranes . And if past precedent is any indicator of awesomeness, then these former participants should speak volumes: Neimo , Poingly , The Cassettes Won’t Listen , Alberta Cross , Spectrum , Two Man Gentlemen Band .

See ya there!

Hey all.

As I sat on the subway today, scrolling through my Ipod, I began to wonder: do certain band/artist names have indie credibility? Are some names more indie than others, and, if they are, what makes them more indie?

Now I suppose this is a personal preference question. I, for one, think there are some terribly named indie bands. I wont go into them here, as I don’t want angry e-mails…however I will say that I’m not a huge fan of bands with overly long names or overly suggestive names. It seems that these guys are trying to compensate for something, perhaps a lack of musical ability.

The strongest band names, in my opinion, are short and simple without any ridiculously obvious references (ie naming your band after a character in Catcher in the Rye, a character in a cheesy 80′s movie , or another after band’s song).

I don’t think a band’s name has to have anything to do with their music. Matching the two just seems like the band is trying too hard, and everyone knows indie bands aren’t allowed to try hard. (note sarcasm here).

On that note, I will give you my top 3 UI band names:

3. Ex-Lion Tamer – Got the humor thing going here.

2. Dead Confederate – Packs a good punch

1. Kaki King — Yeah I know that’s her real name, but it’s awesome

Whataburger, I hope you’re watching this, because the shell shocked, authority hating (but oddly enough, burger loving) Vietnam Vet witnessed by Dead Confederate on a recent visit during SXSW just screams

New Mascot

Now I know the idea might seem asinine at first, but hey, if a belligerent, emotionally unstable ex-grunt with violent flashback tendencies can win the Republican Presidential Nomination, then pushing burgers doesn’t seem like such a big deal.

You can even come up with a catchy marketing slogan to capitalize on the vet’s terminally traumatized state of mind:

*Crazy may have also been caused by non-willing exposure to various herbicides, toxins, and experimental chemical weapons deployed during the Vietnam War.

Check back tomorrow for my long awaited SXSW wrap-up blog, which I finally got off my lazy ass long enough to brainstorm this weekend. I’ll be sharing my thoughts, highlights/lowlights from the trip, and posting various photos that I took (most in a deep state of inebriation), as well as more clips from some of the many bands that we caught up with during this year’s hectically amazingly festival.