This week, Andrew Carmellini and his crew from the soon-to-debut “The Dutch” and the boys of Torrisi Italian Specialties go toe-to-toe with visual feasts that celebrate two very different–but equally relevant–pockets of downtown NYC.

For the old school, the Torrisi boys blare Billy Joel, Frank Sinatra and Jay-Z over a montage of cheesy foodie scenes–close ups of fresh mozzarella, fresh pasta flipping in hot buttery skillets and Little Italy and the Lower East Side–without seeming lame. Check it out here.

For the forward-thinking, “The Dutch” went totally po-mo with a mash-up of scenes from the farmer’s market,  lashings of chili sauce and louche night shots.

Clear a new place in your YouTube-watchin’ schedule–a new genre’s in town.

Ever since the Pixies got back together, reunions have been in vogue. While The Lonely H connects with mid-aged Led Zeppelin fans about the hopes that the ’70s rock band may one day tour again, perhaps it’s time to compile the possibilities and test the odds about other rock reunions.

The Darkness
NME recently reported The Darkness are looking to get back together. I had no idea the band was broken up or that anyone would even care. Shows what I know sometimes. Though I don’t think I’d be going out on a limb by suggesting the reason for the reunion is due to a massive failure by the lead singer’s solo project, Hot Leg.

Creed
Perhaps the second scariest word in the indie rockers vocabulary (right below “Nickelback”) is Creed. The reports of a reunion seemed inevitable based on Idolator reports earlier this year. However, we may have dodged a bullet on this one, as Creed guitarist Mark Tremonti has no interested in the reunion. Though that didn’t stop Guns N’ Roses…

Guns N’ Roses
Though Chinese Democracy was finally released, does anyone consider this a true Guns N’ Roses reunion? I don’t think so.

Blur
Damon Albarn has been quite successful since Blur broke up (the other members, not so much), and a reunion without Albarn would be meaningless. However, breaking down the traditional reasons for getting back together (aka dismal solo careers), Blur will be reuniting for at least one gig in 2009. Here’s hoping for one or two stateside!

The line between guilty pleasure and just plain good is sometimes difficult to discern. I had a pretty good time laying down a guilty-pleasure-or-not verdict on the top albums of the week a while ago, and now that the top of the Billboard charts have shifted, I thought it was time to weigh in again. Plus, it gives me a chance to comment on the Guns N’ Roses epic failure, Chinese Democracy.

#1: Kanye West – 808s & Heartbreak
For some reason, it’s always been pretty safe for indie rockers to like Kanye West despite his eccentricity and egomania. Even though the new record is not as universally acclaimed as previous efforts, there is no need hide 808s & Heartbreak when you have music snobs visiting.
Verdict: Not-Guilty

#2: Taylor Swift – Fearless
I don’t know much about Taylor Swift other than that she’s described as “country pop,” and that’s two strikes against her already.
Verdict: Guilty

#3: Guns N’ Roses – Chinese Democracy
Chinese Democracy is sure on the lips of everyone, but sales expectations fell short, dropping Axl’s album at number three, not even enough to overtake Taylor Swift…and for good reason! If someone sees this in your collection, you’ll probably have some explaining to do as you are bombarded with questions like, “You actually BOUGHT this?” and “Why didn’t you just stream it on MySpace and realize it sucks?”
Verdict: Guilty

#4: Beyonce – I Am…Sasha Fierce
Remember the flack Spin caught for putting Beyonce on the cover? Yeah, the stigma still exists.
Verdict: Guilty

#5: Ludacris – Theater of the Mind
Nothing to be ashamed of here. Even though Obama might have been put off by some of Ludacris’s “outrageously offensive” lyrics–the President-Elect is on record as a fan of the Atlanta-based rapper, and that’s perfect clearance for the indie rock community.
Verdict: Not-Guilty

The Muslims might not realize it right now, but the official death of the music industry is at hand. How do I know this? Because Matty and Brian’s all time favorite band, Guns N’ Roses, will finally be releasing Chinese Democracy on November 23rd. This record had better be fucking good, because production started around the beginning of the Iraq War. THE FIRST IRAQ WAR! That’s over 15 goddamn years in the making! To put that into perspective, Chinese Democracy is OLDER than Miley Cyrus, file sharing, The Tampa Bay Rays, reality TV and the entire Mighty Ducks trilogy.

So how does the release of this infamous GNR album spell the end of the music industry? Simple – it was never supposed to come out. The Book of Revelation details the coming of the Four Horsemen as an imminent sign of the apocalypse. Once Conquest, War, Famine and Death are released upon the living world, there is no hope for humanity – the end of the world is all but certain. But rest assured, the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse will only be unleashed at direst hour of existence, when the world has reached critical mass and cannot possibly be rescued save for divine intervention.

Chinese Democracy has long been the Four Horsemen of the music world – its release would signal the swift destruction of the once thriving industry. However, people realized that so long as Axl Rose remained as egotistical and insane as he is, there was no chance in hell that the record would ever see the light of day, and the industry would be OK. That is, until things started going wrong. Very, very wrong.

Perhaps the fall of the major labels foreshadowed this or perhaps we should have seen this coming back when the RIAA teamed up with labels to start suing fans who downloaded music, but the industry has been a runaway train going down a steep slope with no brakes headed into molten lava for some time now. And Axl Rose has just greased the tracks. Mark my words, if you think the industry is in the shitter now, wait until after November 23rd – then things are going to get REALLY bad.

I’m talking pestilence, snakes, Bon Jovi solo records, the return of Terrence Trent D’Arby. We already have seen a New Kids on The Block reunion and subsequent #1 record, a Britney Spears comeback and a new Nickelback single. Did you really think those three terrible events were somehow coincidences?

So is there any hope for the music world as we know it? Yes, because we were given a gift – advance notice of the apocalypse. You didn’t hear about that in the Book of Revelations now, did you? We can actually stop the industry from imploding upon itself by simply NOT BUYING CHINESE DEMOCRACY. This means you too, The Muslims. Look, I know you’re probably super excited to finally hear some new Guns N’ Roses original material, but let’s face it, the stuff that’s leaked so far–”I.R.S.,” “Madagascar,” “Chinese Democracy”–kinda sucks.

And Guns N’ Roses is just Axl Rose now – there’s no Slash, no Duff, no Izzy backing him up. Just a bunch of guns for hire. And if that doesn’t give you enough incentive not to totally destroy the music industry, think of this: The record is going to be sold, at least initially, exclusively through Best Buy, one of the most overpriced, horribly staffed and terribly run electronic franchises in America. Do you really want to shell over 15 bucks to buy a record that–had it come out when it was supposed to–would have cost you 8 or 9 bucks and gone to a small, local record shop owner?

Shout Out Louds bring up a good point: you don’t really have to know how to play an instrument anymore to make, well I won’t say good, but popular music. Look at the crap that’s selling right now: Daughtry, Nickelback, Miley Cyrus, Fall Out Boy – not exactly musical maestros if you ask me. Watching them butcher their respective instruments is like watching an angry bulldog try to eat a Sloppy Joe. Yeah, good luck getting that image out of your head the rest of the day.

But I want to flip things right now and discuss something that doesn’t get as nearly as much attention as it’s earned: Good Musicians That Make Bad Music. I’m talking about virtuosos, prodigies, people who actually know how to play their instruments, and play them well, but can’t write a good song for shit:

• Les Claypool – Probably one of the greatest (and fastest) bass players of all time. Also, one of the worst vocalists and songwriters of all time. For further clarification see: Primus.
• Dragonforce – Amazing instrumentalists. Heart thumping double bass drum mastery, smart keyboards, and holy-fucking-shit-lightning-quick guitar shredding. Too bad their songs are all about swords, flaming dragons, and wizardry. Listening to a Dragonforce album is about as heterosexual as going out to eat with your brother and sharing one milkshake with two straws.
• Slash – Yes, he was in Guns N Roses and Velvet Revolver, and, along with Eddie Van Halen, is one of the most prolific and influential guitarists of the modern rock era, but all of that doesn’t atone for Slash’s Snake Pit