There’s something about odd couples I find strangely compelling, in a squinty-eyed, amateur anthropologist middle school girl type of way. And not necessarily peculiar physical pairings, though the metabolically challenged/beanpole, hottie/nottie combos are always worth a good gawk. What really gets my synapses firing is couples, friends and families with totally divergent approaches to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Strangely, these red/blue, church/state, Pabst/martini pairings often end up being as delightful for the participants as they are for the observers. That’s why these borderline freakazoid new supergroup partnerships have me reeling, clapping, cackling and tip-tapping my feet to their strange little beat. All at the same time. Here are the five most enchanting, mind-boggling, creative sonic collaborations exploding on airwaves near you:

5. The Dead Weather
This group is the exactly what would be produced by a college rock DJ who wears nothing but American Apparel and Forever 21, combined with her roommate, the reluctant business major who goes to every indie show in town yet defensively insists she’s so not selling out when she graduates. Alison Mosshart of The Kills is taking center stage, Dean Fertita of Queens of the Stone Age is strumming the guitar, Jack Lawrence of The Raconteurs and The Greenhornes playing the bass and Jack White of The White Stripes and The Raconteurs is slapping the skins (ZOMG?! The master musical guru isn’t front and center).

Their debut single, Hang You From the Heavens was released on March 11 through iTunes and, natch, on a 7” vinyl, limited edition. Check out the beautiful chaos here. Not enough? Their next show is at the Outside Lands Music & Arts Festival in San Francisco on August 30.

4. Coca-Cola’s Supergroup
Remember when shamelessly shilling for the man was considered uncool? Those days are so over – pop tarts shouldn’t be the only ones capitalizing on capitalism, right? The best out-of-left-field sell out by far comes courtesy of Cee-Lo Green, Fall Out Boy’s Patrick Stump, Brendon Urie from Panic at the Disco, Travis McCoy from Gym Class Heroes and Grammy-nominated songstress Janelle Monae, who all got together and made sweet, sweet music for The Coca-Cola Co.

The freaky-deaky rock/pop/hip-hop amalgamation–they produced a track for Coke’s Orwellian sounding “Happiness Factory” series of commercials–may seem unappealing (kinda like Diet Vanilla Coke) but once you sample the sonic bliss (or sip Diet Vanilla Coke a.k.a. my secret crack), you too, will feel instantly perked up and ready to add a little razzle to your dazzle. Don’t believe me? Check it out and try to resist!

(TRUST US, YOU WANT MORE SUPERGROUPS)

It’s no secret that record sales are in the toilet these days, and I don’t want to turn this post into another bleak assessment of the music industry. No, I’m here to give a glimmer of hope to all those who have been dropped from a label, laid-off or are just struggling in general. We can save the music industry; there is hope. That hope, my friends, comes from a little band called the Eagles.

In November of 1999, the Eagles Eagles: Their Greatest Hits 1971–1975 became the best selling album in the United States after selling 26 million copies. As of January of 2006, that number jumped to 29 million–or approximately 10% of the US population (I actually prefer thinking that 90% of Americans are actually smart enough to NOT own this album, but anyway…). For those who want to crunch the numbers, that breaks down to three million albums in six years. That’s 500,000 each year or a little under 10,000 each week.

That’s not exactly a small feat. Crazy Town’s The Gift of Game was released that same week in 1999, had tons of promotional money behind it and that annoying “Butterfly” song was shoved down our throats. Album sales for The Gift of Game sit at about 1.5 million, half of what the Eagles sold in that same time period. To give further perspective, an album that sells 10 thousand copies in a week general finds its way onto Billboard’s Top 100 these days. The Fratellis hit #80 after selling 9,600 units one week in June.

As time goes on, the Eagles will probably seem like a good investment–not even as a long-term investment, but on a week-to-week basis. After all, 10 thousand units is certainly worth some attention! So why innovate when one can duplicate? How can the music industry recreate The Eagles’ success each week?

First off, identify who is actually buying the music. For the Eagles, the age demographic is probably older considering (1) it’s a recording from the 70′s and (2) they are actually buying the record as opposed to downloading. However, after 30 years how is it possible that people who want this album still don’t own it? I just don’t buy it (figuratively, that is).

However, this album has been around for 30 years. I can’t really name anything in my apartment that is even close to that old. Some people probably bought the album on 8-track back in the day–then cassette a few years later–followed by a CD of the recording after that. One time a cat puked on one of my CDs, and I had to buy another copy. Maybe the Eagles’ Greatest Hits has just reached such penetration that the weekly sales are these same 20 million or so replacing the record.

If this is the case, the way to save the industry is clear: Destroy all Eagles records.

Think about it. Not only will this result in a huge boost in album sales, but the Eagles will be working overtime to rerecord their classic work, providing money for a studio, producer, engineer, etc. Furthermore, how could the Eagles not tour in support of this effort? This will further boost ticket sales and venue revenue. It’s a solid plan I tell you! Come on, you know this solution is way more awesome and creative than “switching to a digital model” like some bands think the industry should do (yes, I actually had the guts to link to the Hanson interview!):

If you’ve ever wondered how a super mega-hit band like U2 would fare trying to break into music today as rookies, let Isaac from Hanson fill you in on why Bono would probably be working at Starbucks in a few months.

That’s one of the caveats of instantaneous, worldwide access – with so many bands popping up thanks to the internet, you’ve got exactly 11 seconds to get noticed and score that huge hit, or the record companies put you out with yesterday’s trash. That’s why what I’m about to say may seem radical, but it’s necessary –

Let’s destroy the internet

I mean fucking blow that shit to smithereens. I’m not kidding. First of all, the most popular thing on it is porn, so it can’t be all that important. Secondly, it’s more addicting than a cigarette filled with heroin that comes with a free coffee. All people do nowadays is sit on their ever-increasingly fat asses in front of a computer and waste away, playing games, reading celeb gossip, trying to find out who from their high school gradating class is now gay, etc… Remember The Matrix? That movie where Keanu Reeves discovers that life is actually a computer simulation and every single person is linked in through the internet? Yeah, that was a fucking good movie. But then The Wachowski Brothers made two shitty sequels, and I blame the internet for that. They probably went online after the first movie came out and read some message board ideas for sequels, and thought “maybe we should totally ruin this great movie.” Also, shortly after The Matrix came out, Larry Wachowski had a sex change and became a woman, and I’m fairly certain that had something to do with the internet. Fucking internet.

So in summary, The internet ruins life, the 2 Matrix sequels sucked balls, people love porn, some dude’s now a chick and I’m wondering if he has a dick in a jar on his nightstand, U2 would be baristas in an alternate universe, and coffee sounds pretty fucking good to me right now at 8am.

I know what you’re saying – Hanson? The MmmBop dudes? Wow, those guys are still alive? In fact, Hanson even knows that’s probably your first reaction:

Click here if video does not load

Your next reaction is probably “Well what the hell are they doing on Uncensored Interview, aren’t you guys strictly an indie-music site? Yes we are, and guess what? Hanson are about as indie as they come. About 7 years ago, they got fed up with all the bullshit that their major label was putting them through, so they said “fuck it,” (actually they don’t really curse, they probably said “darn it”) and started their own label – 3CG Records. Lest their humble Oklahoma upbringings deceive you, that’s hardcore, man. Back in 2001, before the digitial download/Myspace boom, starting your own label was as risky as unprotected sex with Pam Anderson, minus the Hep-C, of course. But Hanson took a risk, and blazed a trail for so many other artists who were frustrated and pissed off at the major label system. That’s why I fucking love Hanson, they’re brutally honest, down to earth, completely humble, and about as business savvy a trio of young men as you will ever meet. Plus they still make great music, but they do it on their own terms, without some soulless suit telling them to write another MmmBop.

All this talk about Hanson led me and roommate to reminisce about the late 90’s (that’s the 1990’s, not the 1890’s, we weren’t reminiscing about the cotton gin). Specifically, do you remember that horribly annoying glorified cover band Smashmouth? Yes, I know they’re still around, and they’re indie now I think, but seriously, they were fucking terrible. I worked in Blockbuster throughout college, and there was always at least one of their crappy videos on every single “Blockbuster TV” tape that we had to play in the store all day long. I still have rape-like flashbacks whenever I hear Walking On The Sun or All Star. Anyway, we were playing Rock Band when the topic of conversation somehow shifted to “Thing We’d Rather Do Than See Smashmouth In Concert,” and the responses were so great, I decided to share them here with you. So without further ado:

Things We’d Rather Do Than See Smashmouth In Concert

1. Buy Bret Michael’s latest solo album
2. Listen to Bret Michael’s latest solo album
3. Lose my firstborn child
4. Watch my father cry
5. Be locked in a dark room with Ron Howard’s creepy brother Clint Howard.
6. Be Carl Weather’s servant for a day
7. Watch a Riding In Cars With Boys/Joy Luck Club/How Stella Got Her Groove Back movie marathon
8. Engage in a dirty needle fight/hug-a-thon with Magic Johnson
9. Get a variable rate mortgage from Bear Stearns
10. Be in Smashmouth

April Fool’s Day, har har har! What a stupid fucking idea. One random day in the Spring where we’re encouraged to pull small, harmless pranks on our friends and family. Well I have two BIG problems with this shit:

1. You should be pulling pranks on your family and friends EVERY day. Don’t limit yourself
2. Pranks should never be “harmless.” The whole idea of them is to cause someone else actualized pain or uncomfortability

You just know that this whole fake holiday was created by some guy who stumbled home late after banging a hooker on April 1st. His wife is waiting for him at the door holding a rolling pin (the preferred weapon of choice for marital infidelity amongst my ancestors), looking all distressed. She sees lipstick marks all over his collar and glitter on his face, and starts screaming. He, in a moment of drunken clarity, yells “April Fools!” and pretends to be shocked when the wife has never heard of the faux-holiday. And thus, April Fool’s Day was born.

Like I said, I don’t limit myself to just April Fool’s Day for dangerous and downright mean spirited pranks pulled on my closest family members. I call my mom at least once a week and tell her crazy things like I’m being held hostage by terrorists at the Nakatomi Plaza building in L.A., or that I’m helping to thwart a plot to sabotage the landing system at Dulles Airport in Washington D.C., or even better, I’m running around the city solving puzzles so a madman doesn’t blow up a school building. Sure, these are all just the plots of the first 3 Die Hards, but she doesn’t know that. In fact, sometimes I even get her to break down in tears! I usually call her the next day and let her in on the ruse. There were never any terrorists! Or bombs! God, my mom is so gullible.

So whenever April Fool’s Day rolls around, just to throw people off, I act TOTALLY SERIOUS. All day. I don’t joke, or fuck around, or even lie. In fact, today’s the day where, if you wanted to get something out of me that’s extremely deep, or emotional, or harmful, you can, just by asking me. And the funny thing is, people don’t realize that I’m being dead serious, they think all the shit I’m saying is a joke. Like when I told my brother that he was really adopted, he laughed and said I was such a kidder. Or when my ex-girlfriend asked me why I had broken up with her, and I told her that she had gained too much weight and her genitals smelled like a Papa John’s pizza left out in the sweltering sun for 3 days. She didn’t even blink! She just said “no, seriously, why?” People, I’m being fucking HONEST here for once!

Anyway, there’s absolutely no smooth way I can transition from THAT to your very special Uncensored Interview Clip of The Day, so I won’t even bother trying (see the honesty at work here?). Today’s clip is from Hanson, and it’s a real blast from the past. Did you know that Hanson actually played SXSW 14 years ago, when they were mere wee lads? Amazing, right? Now they’re back, and they all growns up! Don’t you just wanna pinch their cheeks like an annoying, rum-reeking aunt?

Why, do my eyes and ears deceive me, or is that sizzling hot MTV Artist of the Week Yelle? It’s a great feeling when your fledgling little indie music website scoops a giant (evil) mega-conglomerate like MTV. We caught up with the French femme fatale last month in NYC, and I immediately knew there was something irresistible about her (I’m pretty certain she had eyes for the Shark as well), so we’re ecstatic that she’s about to break big time here in America. Next up: Bidets. I’m telling you, there’s nothing Americans love more than a clean asshole.

So I know I promised you that I’d finish part 2 of my SXSW Uncensored Recap yesterday, but I also once promised my mother that I’d use the $10 she gave me to get a haircut, but instead my friend Chris and I bought wiffle ball bats and beat the shit out of his little brother, then took a pair of scissors that we found in his bathroom that MAY OR MAY NOT have been used by his dad for genital gardening, and did a quick job on my cranium. Needless to say, when I got home, my mom took one look at me and said “What did you barber have Parkinson’s or something?” The ruse had worked.

Boy, did I just get off course. Ok so honestly, the last 2 days of SXSW were, in one word, Fucking Insane. The majority of Friday and Saturday were spent inside the Austin Convention Center interviewing somewhere around 30 indie bands. It was like an endless gangbang, minus the gross finish and soreness the next morning. Actually, I take that back, there was definitely some soreness the next morning. Some of the bands that I got to interview that I’m really excited to see go up on the site soon are:

• The Whigs (who fucking rocked opening up for My Morning Jacket!)
• Hanson! Yes, THAT Hanson, the trailblazers of the DIY movement in indie music.
• The Autumns
• Ungdomskulen – Norway’s awesome answer to Manowar, minus the gay. I fucking love these guys, all they did was curse and talk about sex and shitting:

Friday night I headed out alone to catch one of my favorite bands of all time, Nada Surf rock the shit out of downtown Austin.

I stumbled hung over into the convention center on Saturday morning, my churning tummy full of some sort of faux-egg concoction that the Holiday Inn was serving, and saw what can only be construed as an omen:

SXSW is a Shark fan! I fucking knew it!

There was an undercurrent of energy in the building on Saturday as we interviewed the likes of These New Puritans, Say Hi, and the amazing Kaki King. Tonight was going to be the rager – the final night of SXSW, the last chance to get drunk, get ass, and generally make a complete fool out of yourself in front of several thousand complete strangers. And man, was everyone pumped for the shit show.

I randomly ran into my old friend Matt Pinfield while heading over to the Bluhammock showcase later in the day, and asked him if he could give The Shark and Uncensored Interview a shout out on his DirecTV SXSW show. Friggin douchebag forgot, just like he “forgot” to meet me at MSG last year to get me into the Jack’s Mannequin show. But I’m not bitter.

Anyway, the Bluhammock showcase was really cool. I was not familiar with any of the Bluhammock artists prior to attending, but they really won me over. In fact, one of their artists are atop my

SXSW Highlights

• Kaiser Cartel – amazing, amazing, amazing teacher duo out of Brooklyn who craft some of the softest, yet catchiest and snap-worthy music I’ve heard in a long time. You have to see them live to appreciate their unique “finale.” Can’t wait till their album comes out in June…
• The Nada Surf show – Although they generally stuck to mostly new stuff from Lucky, seeing them live is always a treat. Nada Surf, UI wants you, answer our calls!
• The Whigs and My Morning Jacket – What a show. I literally went back to my hotel room afterward, fired up iTunes, and bought The Whigs’ new album. And what more can you say about MMJ? Seriously, they always bring the rock.
• Will from Senryu hugging me in the middle of the convention center
• The delicious venison steak I ordered at the UI wrap-party, followed by some post dinner cigars with The Bark and Harris.
• Seeing Janeane Garfalo eating next to us at IHOP – and IHOP just in general.

Lowlights

• Dealing with the moron/borderline psychopath at the front desk of the Holiday Inn, who couldn’t understand that we wanted TWO beds instead of one in the room, got frustrated, and told us “I have emotional problems, I don’t want to do something I regret. It’s my problem, you wouldn’t understand.” Fucking PSYCHO!!
• The Bark blowing my cover after I had successfully snuck into the My Morning Jacket show for free! The bastard at the door ended up making me pay $25 bucks!
• The Perez Hilton party – Free Red Bull and rum is cool, but that’s ALL they had. Free haircuts outside on the patio is also cool, but being surrounded by pompous, insecure hipsters who won’t leave you alone while you wait for said haircut, that’s a fucking F- on my list. You know who you are, guy in blue shirt who told me there’s nothing wrong with being a hipster. That’s like saying there’s nothing wrong with being a child.

SXSW Celebrity lookalikes of the day:

Hanson

(who we’ll actually be interviewing tomorrow. I mean the real Hanson, not these long haired assholes)

Brief recap of today:

• Interviews – Melissa Young (cute), Tilly and The Wall (eccentric), Virginia Coalition (tired but intriguing), Sons and Daughters (Scottish, challenged the Wombats to a fight), South (surprisingly, not from the South). More going on as I type this
• Ran into Senryu on the convention center floor. He was cold, lost, scared, looking for the UI booth. I took him to it, and he hugged me. Odd, we’ve only met once before. I’m glad I didn’t have a boner.
• Found out Hall & Oates are staying in our hotel, which is also the site of tonight’s Bluhammok showcase. Hoping to get a picture with just John Oates’ moustache, which, if you haven’t heard, is the subject of a new cartoon where it has superpowers and fights crime.

If I could have one superpower, it would be the ability to grow a gorgeous, manly, thick lip strip like John Oates. I’m a straight man, but I’d go gay for that moustache. It’s just so powerful.

Today’s gratuitous SXSW photo of the day – Tourbus being towed for parking in an illegal spot. Oops.