I find it interesting that these BONOBO CHIMPS have virtually no violence because they spend all their time getting busy. Interestingly these chimps are the closest animal relative to HOMO SAPIENS and we share 98% DNA. This makes it so clear now why me and my boyfriend “BZ” were fighting all weekend.  We haven’t been having enough sex. And we were actually fighting about not having enough sex.

Of course BONOBO CHIMPS might be more inclined to fight with each other if they were dealing with maintaining a sex life during a cross-country long distance relationship. And I don’t suppose they are as picky about where and when they play “hide the banana” as I am. For instance I don’t think they would have a problem getting it “animal style” in the bathroom at a 4th of July pool party at the W hotel in LA while their partner was drunk and they hypothetically knocked the garbage can over with their foot while trying to prop themselves up on the counter. I don’t think that is sexy but that sort of thing probably wouldn’t bother a Chimpanzee.  But what do I know?
Eventually me and BZ worked out our differences and ended up “monkeying around” for the rest of the weekend.  Now that I woke up this morning with a cold I think even a BONOBO CHIMP wouldn’t be dumb enough to keep using her boyfriend’s toothbrush while he was complaining about having a sore throat and feeling sick.  

Did you ever notice how John Mayer only dates girls with J names?  Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, and, yours truly, Triumphantly, Jenny?  Oh, you didn’t know?  Yeah, I guess we kind of keep it on the downlow, JM and I.  He never blogs about me.  But do you think it’s intentionally self-aggrandizing to only date women whose name is the female form of your own?  I mean, not that anyone would call Mayer arrogant.  Oh wait, Ilana Donna does:

Whatever, Ilana, you can keep your hands off my man anyway.  I am glad John is getting so much good press lately.  I mean the NY Post has confirmed that his body is a wonderland, and let me tell you, they ain’t lying.  Why do you guys think he keeps getting in these “sham relationships?”  Duh, cuz we’re in love!  There’s seriously no other rational reason!  I dare you to think of one!  His apartment is close to Uncensored Interview HQ, and he’s buying some cameras at B&H right by my office!  What other proof do you need people?  A sex tape?

Hmmm, I mean what is a sex tape if not an “Uncensored Interview?”

Anyway, he mentioned to me this afternoon when we woke up that it’s a total thrill for him when people comment on his blog.  Maybe then we can give up this whole Jennifer Aniston charade and get married.  I mean really, Aniston? Who even buys this?